'nother Meme

My uncle once: took me round my home town in a zooty sports car 'pour cherchez les femmes'.
Never in my life: did I expect to see Belgium.
When I was five: I was scared of a foot-high brass knight that our neighbours had. After midnight it came alive and went hunting, you see.
High school was: great. Apart from the snow. And Jane Ferguson never did slip my clutch. (All is forgiven, dear)
I will never forget: walking through Chicago
I once met: King Sobuza of Swaziland
Once at a bar: I was propositioned by a hooker. Called Kevin.
By noon I'm usually: knackered
Last night: I was preparing a presentation ‘til midnight.
If only I had: a finished book manuscript.
Next time I go to church: they will remember me as my wife’s husband, called, er, um Dennis….? Dan? Dick?
When I turn my head left: my neck creaks
When I turn my head right: it doesn’t
You know when I'm lying when: I'm too glib
By this time next year: I’ll look even more like Kenny Rogers
I have a hard time understanding: life, love and the meaning of happiness
If I ever go back to school I'll: study Philosophy
You know I like you when: I touch your arm.
My ideal breakfast is: industrial-strength coffee and a McFlurry
A song I love, but do not have is: Brown-Eyed Girl.
If you visit my hometown, I suggest: that you meet me in Sandton Square, we’ll get lunch and then catch the shuttle to Cape Town
Why won't anyone: buy me a return ticket?
If you spend the night at my house: turn on the coffee machine when you wake up, OK?
I'd stop my wedding for: living in sin
The world could do without: The Faroe Islands
I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: stick pins in my eyes
Paper clips are more useful than: George W Bush
If I do anything well: there must be a way to make money out of it.
And by the way: the universe IS watching.
The last time I was drunk: my Aussie buddy and I flattened half a bottle of whiskey watching the sun go down over the Nile.